whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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