When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This is the high leading the old right now
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
