Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
