# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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