Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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