if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize