When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
