I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
