I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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