I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
