I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
