life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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