I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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