im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
