Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
