OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
