Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize