there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
