last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
