I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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