My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
NoShamevember. You game?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize