At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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