I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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