I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
MIDGETS
????
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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