You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
