my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
