This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize