We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
