And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
