brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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