Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
