I wish I could teleport
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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