is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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