Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
