hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
