I just pynch a tree in the face
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
