Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
