I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
