hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
