remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
