Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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