never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
