I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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