Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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