Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
