someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
