I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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