OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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