I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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