My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize