Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
