Where did you get a picture of my penis
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
