I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
