She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
