ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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