you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
