I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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