He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
did i just pee glitter
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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