Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
