tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
