Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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