I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
