I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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