Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
