dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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