butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize