Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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