Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
