I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
