I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize