I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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