remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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