Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
