goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
