The best revenge is premature balding
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
