she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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