I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize