I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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