I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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