she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
