Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
