...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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