Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
this will be a night to untag.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize