umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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