you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
