As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
