I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
