There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
