I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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