It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
