dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
