I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
