apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
