Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
bring money and cleavage
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
