she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
MIDGETS
????
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
