My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
