Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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