My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
