i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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