I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
