It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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